Several things I would do if I had an infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction
I wish I had an infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction.
I would use it only for good. (I would not use it for evil.) I would sneak up on a malevolent person, lasso it around them, pull the knot tight, and extract the truth from them.
They could not break free and they would have no choice but to comply, because they would be ensnared in my infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction.
First, I would ask the people in charge of KFC to tell me where they breed their headless chickens. Then I would set all the chickens free.
Then, I would visit Parliament Hill ask Stephen Harper whether he really eats babies. He would have to tell me the truth, because he would be lassoed in my infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction. If I determine that he has eaten babies, I would punish him for it.
Afterward, I would visit the set of The O'Reilly Factor on Fox News, and lasso Bill O'Reilly. This would force him to conduct an entire newscast without spewing a single lie. Normally that would be impossible for him to do, but with my infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction, I could make it happen. While at Fox News, I would also make them admit to the bovine growth hormone cover-up and the 2000 election fraud.
I hope along the way to answer that age-old question, the one I have been wondering about since childhood: who took the cookie from the cookie jar? (Who me?) (Yes you.) (Couldn't be.) (Then who?)
Finally, I would track down Chairman Kaga from Iron Chef and find out whether the $40,000 worth of truffles that he will use on this Sunday's Battle Truffles episode are really truffles, or just button mushrooms painted with black squid ink to look like truffles. I suspect they may be real truffles, but I can only verify this with absolute certainty by using the infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction.
There are a few other things that I would do with my infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction, but I won't admit to them in a public forum like my blog. But I assure you that they would all serve the public good, or at least my own.
I would use it only for good. (I would not use it for evil.) I would sneak up on a malevolent person, lasso it around them, pull the knot tight, and extract the truth from them.
Infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction
They could not break free and they would have no choice but to comply, because they would be ensnared in my infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction.
First, I would ask the people in charge of KFC to tell me where they breed their headless chickens. Then I would set all the chickens free.
Then, I would visit Parliament Hill ask Stephen Harper whether he really eats babies. He would have to tell me the truth, because he would be lassoed in my infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction. If I determine that he has eaten babies, I would punish him for it.
Afterward, I would visit the set of The O'Reilly Factor on Fox News, and lasso Bill O'Reilly. This would force him to conduct an entire newscast without spewing a single lie. Normally that would be impossible for him to do, but with my infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction, I could make it happen. While at Fox News, I would also make them admit to the bovine growth hormone cover-up and the 2000 election fraud.
I hope along the way to answer that age-old question, the one I have been wondering about since childhood: who took the cookie from the cookie jar? (Who me?) (Yes you.) (Couldn't be.) (Then who?)
Finally, I would track down Chairman Kaga from Iron Chef and find out whether the $40,000 worth of truffles that he will use on this Sunday's Battle Truffles episode are really truffles, or just button mushrooms painted with black squid ink to look like truffles. I suspect they may be real truffles, but I can only verify this with absolute certainty by using the infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction.
There are a few other things that I would do with my infinitely golden lariat of truth extraction, but I won't admit to them in a public forum like my blog. But I assure you that they would all serve the public good, or at least my own.
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